*Scientific environment. Serious, sincere spokesperson.*
SCIENTIST: "We at Bridgestone have a passion for excellence and your safety is our highest concern."
*Montage of actual tests that are performed on tires, scientists checking off lists with approval*
SCIENTIST: "In light of a recent event in Boston, we challenged our scientists to recreate those conditions to ensure that our standards are still being met."
*Close up of a pile of dog crap. A tire enters the picture from the left and flattens the pile with a squish*
SCIENTIST: "Still safe."
*Bridgestone logo with #BostonStrong below*
April 25, 2013
April 24, 2013
Bridgestone: Boston Strong
@BenK84 from Ace of Spades HQ had a damn good idea this morning:
He suggested Firestone, but Bridgestone had some unfortunate press following the Boston bombings because Sailor (#2) wore their hat that day. So here are some thoughts:
1) Tire commercials usually show water flowing over the treads to demonstrate how traction is maintained. I humbly suggest doing a similar demonstration with blood. Instead of the treads evacuating water, a narrator could draw our attention to the way the innovative design desanguinates.
2) Zoom in on a dummy's head as it is being compressed by the weight of a tire. The tire grinds the dummy's head back and forth, back and forth. Maybe even a ridiculous shot of a car driving straight over a dummy, with no educational merit whatsoever.
3) Before the blood/tread test, a vial full of terrorist blood is shown before being poured on the tire. Maybe there is some kind of explanation about the blood used. A scientist decries the availability of terrorist blood, so they use the closest known analogue: dog's blood. A golden retriever is on a bed with IVs among the various instruments and gauges. Or maybe the world's ugliest dog makes a cameo.
4) Maybe they use shit instead. "In light of recent events, we tried to duplicate the conditions in our laboratory." A steaming pile is slowly squished by a tire. We get an underview of the process through the glass floor and narration from a scientist. 'Fecal displacement' or something. 'Scat-ter'.
I'll try to think of some other things. A laboratory or test facility setting seems best. A scientist walks us over to the tread/blood/fecal demonstration as a test car in the background hurtles at a wall with a dummy pinned to the bumper.
Bridgestone could be as psychotic as they please as long as they end the commercial with #BostonStrong.
Whatever company made the tires that ran over Tamerlan should play that up.Firestone: Crushing Terrorists Ribcages Since 2013
— Ben (@BenK84) April 24, 2013
He suggested Firestone, but Bridgestone had some unfortunate press following the Boston bombings because Sailor (#2) wore their hat that day. So here are some thoughts:
1) Tire commercials usually show water flowing over the treads to demonstrate how traction is maintained. I humbly suggest doing a similar demonstration with blood. Instead of the treads evacuating water, a narrator could draw our attention to the way the innovative design desanguinates.
2) Zoom in on a dummy's head as it is being compressed by the weight of a tire. The tire grinds the dummy's head back and forth, back and forth. Maybe even a ridiculous shot of a car driving straight over a dummy, with no educational merit whatsoever.
3) Before the blood/tread test, a vial full of terrorist blood is shown before being poured on the tire. Maybe there is some kind of explanation about the blood used. A scientist decries the availability of terrorist blood, so they use the closest known analogue: dog's blood. A golden retriever is on a bed with IVs among the various instruments and gauges. Or maybe the world's ugliest dog makes a cameo.
4) Maybe they use shit instead. "In light of recent events, we tried to duplicate the conditions in our laboratory." A steaming pile is slowly squished by a tire. We get an underview of the process through the glass floor and narration from a scientist. 'Fecal displacement' or something. 'Scat-ter'.
I'll try to think of some other things. A laboratory or test facility setting seems best. A scientist walks us over to the tread/blood/fecal demonstration as a test car in the background hurtles at a wall with a dummy pinned to the bumper.
Bridgestone could be as psychotic as they please as long as they end the commercial with #BostonStrong.
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